Are you there, God? It's me, Toby Knapp... if you don't mind, while I have a second from the quiet of my home studio which will soon be the nerve center of the Toby+Chilli Show on 97.1 WASH-FM in DC and which is the place where I broadcast to so many places every morning, afternoon, night and weekend... and if you don't mind, I'm going to just spew out my questions because I need to probably fall asleep, but thanks to this technology, I'm able to post... from my bed... which is just about 10 feet away from this live content creation/broadcast space...
How long is this going to last?
Why did it happen?
Why am I not afraid of this, but, afraid to do basic things which others aren't afraid to do right away... but which I think are secondary... while they're fearful of this... but I thrive off of it?
Should I update my will?
What do I tell my daughter, who is playing some video game with virtual friends in her room while I sit in the living room pondering this stuff... about when it will be over... when life will return to normal... and what do I tell her if it doesn't?
What do I say to my friends... so many... who have been laid off, furloughed or who are going to be furloughed in the coming days... to inspire them?
Why did I order 10 boxes of 100 count Vinyl Gloves?
Why do I feel like I need to be on the "bridge of the ship" ready to go down with it... if it were to go down?
Why can't I sleep regularly anymore? It didn't used to be this way.
What do I do if I get this... virus?
I have so many things... I could keep asking... but I won't. Because I've learned that faith... is the belief in things unseen... and so I believe.
To paraphrase an old preacher...
I've never seen the wind. I've seen the effects of the wind but I've never seen it... yet I won't deny it.
I've never seen a miracle, but I know they exist.
I've never seen the hand of a higher power... grace... at work physically... but I'm alive because that hand has moved the pieces of this life's chessboard into place so that I could continue to live when I statistically shouldn't have done so...
Faith... is the evidence of things unseen.
Why do I have this faith?
Because I do. And that's the source of my hope. And of my peace.
I'm not saying I'm not afraid. I'm not saying I don't have sort of anxiety or whatever... and I'm not saying i've not experienced some sort of sadness and feelings about all of this...
... but I feel... hope. And because of that hope, and faith... I feel a peace.
And it's absolutely okay to feel what we feel.
Last question, God...
Can you bring the sunrise after this night... sooner rather than later? And... can you please let my daughter know I love her... and I'm trying... I really am...
... and please tell Meme and Papa I love them, and miss them. Also my Grandpa Joe... and let mom and dad know I miss them and I can't wait to get back to Texas to see them... soon, if that's Your will...
Until next time, thanks for letting me be an insecure creation living dangerously in the hands of the almighty...